I am making the decision that even though I can see how everything is going wrong right now that I am not going to be down in the dumps. Instead I am seeing how God wants to shape my character through what is happening around me. So instead of gripe about how the things that are out of order, I'm asking God: what do you want me to do? And I know He is telling me to trust Him.
I am reading John right now and I am really beginning to see things that i have never noticed before when i read it.
"The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent." 6:29
"I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty." 6:35
"Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me, and I in him." 6:56
It's all about Jesus. All we need his Him, nothing else.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Monday, October 12, 2009
Finding Balance
My life has been crazy over the past months and I haven't gotten to post on here for quite a while. It feels like I have been on a rollercoaster lately but somehow I know God is moving me forward through it all and bringing me close too Him. Thats what I have been realizing through all my mistakes, my success, my sorrow and happiness. Through all the struggles and mountains God is calling me to conquer, that its all about Him. About finding Jesus, for real. Not a way to be a "good: person or to finally fiqure out the secret to being perfect. But knowing God in my weakness and my shortcoming and letting go to put Him in control so that I dont end up back here. I have really just been trying to balance my relationship with God, my family, my ministry, work, school, serving the church, and all my other responsibilites and am still finding it.
I have a lot to be excited about as well. My nephew just turned one year old! And through what is a difficult situation of one of my brothers moving in with my mother and then moving out, then the other moving in, I am seeing how God is answering my prayers for my family. Since I really started praying for my family, I have prayed that God would unite us. That we would be united under His Vision and united with each other. I feel really disconnected from my family sometimes and know that we all feel the same way. But now my oldest brother who would for years alienate himself from our family by not attending family events or even responding to our attemps to contact him is connected to our family again. We are taking a trip to LA this weekend for my Grandmother's 70th birthday and all of my brothers, my sister(and sister in law) and mother are all going. I know that God is going to do so much more and radically change my family and it makes me happier than anything else.
More to come!...
I have a lot to be excited about as well. My nephew just turned one year old! And through what is a difficult situation of one of my brothers moving in with my mother and then moving out, then the other moving in, I am seeing how God is answering my prayers for my family. Since I really started praying for my family, I have prayed that God would unite us. That we would be united under His Vision and united with each other. I feel really disconnected from my family sometimes and know that we all feel the same way. But now my oldest brother who would for years alienate himself from our family by not attending family events or even responding to our attemps to contact him is connected to our family again. We are taking a trip to LA this weekend for my Grandmother's 70th birthday and all of my brothers, my sister(and sister in law) and mother are all going. I know that God is going to do so much more and radically change my family and it makes me happier than anything else.
More to come!...
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
This isn't embarassing!
So I was tagged by Christina in this chain-blog thing and once you read you are tagged, you must take a picture of yourself at that moment and upload it to your blog and tag others. Luckily I read Christina's blog at midnight while going to bed...
so why not pass on the favor?
Danielle
Brittany
Aly
YOU ARE IT!
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Smile
For those of you haven't heard...
On Thursday, I found out that a Dr. in Arroyo Grande is going to perform surgery on my teeth FOR FREE. We're talking thousands here. It is a miracle and a gift from God.
Ever since I can remember, my teeth have been crooked. Ive seen pictures of myself with straight teeth, but I still can't remember what it was like. Its caused me a lot of shame in the past just from my own insecurities and things people would say. Sometimes I would even forget about what they looked like and felt normal for a change, but then I would remember.
I explored braced before, but by the time I got all my cavities filled etc. I was applying to colleges and just put it on the back burner.
But the Holy Spirit had a plan and worked it out. The thing about it is that it is just God's love. his mercy and grace. I have prayed about it since I actually started praying when I was 12 and really cried out for it and claimed it a couple of times in the past few weeks but it was definitely not on the top of my prayer priorities.
God has been speaking to me over and over about David and specifically 1 Samuel 16:7
"he LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."
On Thursday, I found out that a Dr. in Arroyo Grande is going to perform surgery on my teeth FOR FREE. We're talking thousands here. It is a miracle and a gift from God.
Ever since I can remember, my teeth have been crooked. Ive seen pictures of myself with straight teeth, but I still can't remember what it was like. Its caused me a lot of shame in the past just from my own insecurities and things people would say. Sometimes I would even forget about what they looked like and felt normal for a change, but then I would remember.
I explored braced before, but by the time I got all my cavities filled etc. I was applying to colleges and just put it on the back burner.
But the Holy Spirit had a plan and worked it out. The thing about it is that it is just God's love. his mercy and grace. I have prayed about it since I actually started praying when I was 12 and really cried out for it and claimed it a couple of times in the past few weeks but it was definitely not on the top of my prayer priorities.
God has been speaking to me over and over about David and specifically 1 Samuel 16:7
"he LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."
Saturday, February 7, 2009
comprehension is not a requirement for cooperation
God has been rocking my world for the past week and half.
------
I was having a tough time last Wednesday and needed a touch from Him. All day Thursday I was just asking God what I was doing wrong because it seemed like nothing was going right. I could feel his presence and I knew that everything was okay, but nothing was changing. When I was waiting for the bus I was just still and everything seemed to stop and He said "all I want is your heart." I feel like I have been working hard for a while now but not seeing much fruit in my life coming out of it. And in that moment I knew that I had been missing God, I had missed that intimacy with him.
"Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."
- John 15:4-5
But in that moment I made the decision that I would change my heart, and surrender it completely. God is not asking me to go out and work until I die. He has not left me to figure this life out on my own. But I realize that I have been trying to succeed in my own strength. He also showed me how much bitterness I had built up in my heart, it was blocking fruitfulness in my life. But when I let it go, something broke over my life and over my ministry. In days I saw a change in the way I relate to people when I just let all the tiny grudges I had built up go. It's released me to have joy again :-).
----
When I think about my life, most of what I think is failures. When I go try again, it's like there's a barrier there saying it's not possible because you have messed it up. Like God gave me a great opportunity and I threw it away. But God tells me something different. God has promised me success. He has promised me prosperity.
A large area where this has stopped me is school. I know that I did not give myself to school enough and that is why I am where I am. I'm not even sure if I can get back into Cal Poly because of my performance from last semester. But a few weeks ago, God spoke to me after a sermon and promised me that He would still bring me success even though I may have missed an opprotunity. I want to have a family someday, its a major goal I have. I want my family to be successful. I want to provide for them, I want my children to know that everything is possible with God. I want them to know that He will provide for their every need. I dream of getting my Bachelor's degree.
The problem is I can't see how I can do that without leaving San Luis Obispo. When I think logically, I would have to transfer to another university to do that. When I think about it, however, I know that God has brought me here. He has established a life for me here. I will not abandon everything that God has given me here. I am leading a cell group, dancing at a level I've always wanted, and I have such a great family here.
So there is the rub. Do I need to graduate from a 4-year university to be a success? The Lord has begun to show me that the answer is no.
"But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith."
- Philippians 3:7-9
"But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. "
- Philippians 3:13-14
God is asking me to go to the next level of faith. Paul was a great scholar who gave up his high standing with men because he met Jesus face to face. Jesus' 12 disciples were young fishermen. They weren't educated, they just made a decision to follow Jesus and put everything else aside. God called Abraham to leave his country and live in tents on His word. God lead the Israelites through the desert before they entered the promised land.
I have the promise from God. I believe that he is making me a father, a success. I am realizing that just because I can't see how every step is going to happen, does not mean I have an excuse to not go there. I don't need to understand everything, and that is the the beauty of grace. God is my father, and I will rejoice because He has made me glad. He is my goal.
------
I was having a tough time last Wednesday and needed a touch from Him. All day Thursday I was just asking God what I was doing wrong because it seemed like nothing was going right. I could feel his presence and I knew that everything was okay, but nothing was changing. When I was waiting for the bus I was just still and everything seemed to stop and He said "all I want is your heart." I feel like I have been working hard for a while now but not seeing much fruit in my life coming out of it. And in that moment I knew that I had been missing God, I had missed that intimacy with him.
"Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."
- John 15:4-5
But in that moment I made the decision that I would change my heart, and surrender it completely. God is not asking me to go out and work until I die. He has not left me to figure this life out on my own. But I realize that I have been trying to succeed in my own strength. He also showed me how much bitterness I had built up in my heart, it was blocking fruitfulness in my life. But when I let it go, something broke over my life and over my ministry. In days I saw a change in the way I relate to people when I just let all the tiny grudges I had built up go. It's released me to have joy again :-).
----
When I think about my life, most of what I think is failures. When I go try again, it's like there's a barrier there saying it's not possible because you have messed it up. Like God gave me a great opportunity and I threw it away. But God tells me something different. God has promised me success. He has promised me prosperity.
A large area where this has stopped me is school. I know that I did not give myself to school enough and that is why I am where I am. I'm not even sure if I can get back into Cal Poly because of my performance from last semester. But a few weeks ago, God spoke to me after a sermon and promised me that He would still bring me success even though I may have missed an opprotunity. I want to have a family someday, its a major goal I have. I want my family to be successful. I want to provide for them, I want my children to know that everything is possible with God. I want them to know that He will provide for their every need. I dream of getting my Bachelor's degree.
The problem is I can't see how I can do that without leaving San Luis Obispo. When I think logically, I would have to transfer to another university to do that. When I think about it, however, I know that God has brought me here. He has established a life for me here. I will not abandon everything that God has given me here. I am leading a cell group, dancing at a level I've always wanted, and I have such a great family here.
So there is the rub. Do I need to graduate from a 4-year university to be a success? The Lord has begun to show me that the answer is no.
"But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith."
- Philippians 3:7-9
"But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. "
- Philippians 3:13-14
God is asking me to go to the next level of faith. Paul was a great scholar who gave up his high standing with men because he met Jesus face to face. Jesus' 12 disciples were young fishermen. They weren't educated, they just made a decision to follow Jesus and put everything else aside. God called Abraham to leave his country and live in tents on His word. God lead the Israelites through the desert before they entered the promised land.
I have the promise from God. I believe that he is making me a father, a success. I am realizing that just because I can't see how every step is going to happen, does not mean I have an excuse to not go there. I don't need to understand everything, and that is the the beauty of grace. God is my father, and I will rejoice because He has made me glad. He is my goal.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)