For as long as I could remember my teeth were crooked. I have one picture of myself with straight teeth as a child and other than than my mouth was always closed. I would cover my mouth when I laughed, and if you have seen me laugh, take effort. My teeth were always a place of embarrassment for me. I wanted them to just be fixed, to get braces, anything! But I never got them growing up because of a combination of not having enough money, the medi-cal system, and lack of understanding of just how severe my teeth were by my visually-impaired mother. The dentist told her initially that my teeth were growing in crooked but would straighten themselves out eventually. I always got mad at kids that hated the way their braces looked because I would have do almost anything to have them back then. I prayed that God would fix them, somehow, someway. That did happen on my timetable and made me very frustrated.
All of that changed a few years ago when I met God. he really healed me and made me realize the truth about who I was. That I wasn't "ugly"because God created me in His image. Did I stop wanting my teeth to be straight? No, but it was not going to let them determine my self-worth. I let go of my un-forgiveness toward God and put the whole situation in His hands. For the first time I was okay if my teeth were crooked my whole life and remembered the truth every time those old thought would come back.
Then God did a miracle. Someone approached me and started to ask me about my teeth. how they got the way they were and why I never had them corrected. Through this, I found out about a program of an amazing orthodontist here on the Central Coast who took extreme cases of people with financial hardships for free. After a few initial steps, and some work by the Holy Spirit, it was actually happening. Now, I have had them for about a year and a half and my teeth look great! I smile, real smiles now.
I heard so many horror stories before I got my braces about how much pain it would cause me, so i was a little freaked out. But I haven't really experienced that much pain. I think it's mostly God's hand and also the fact that I didn't really care if it hurt because it was worth it...until now.
Yesterday I went in for my every-six-weeks tightening. This time was different. The gaps in my front teeth created by pulling by bicuspids to make room from overcrowding are being closed now with stronger wires and rubber bands. The moment these appliances went into my mouth i had a lot of pain. In the past, I could sneak in a meal right after my appointment before soreness set in. But even then, I could still force myself to chew food. This time however, I have only been able to eat mashed potatoes. Tried to get a way with turkey and oatmeal (at separate times) but no beans. Just bringing my teeth together causes pain. But it's still worth it.
God has used this as a metaphor in my life for habits and choices in my life that are not good for me. I know that they are not good and cause me to hide and feel ashamed. But before I knew God, I didn't know how to stop my wrong behavior. God is speaking to me a lot about discipline though. That much like braces and teeth, it is the only way to change my lifestyle. Much like my braces, it will cause me to experience pain. Much like braces, I will have to give up things that I like and I am used to. Much like braces, I will have to perform tasks regularly for health and to keep the process on schedule. Much like braces, it doesn't look pretty while it's in place but will yield a lasting result that is great.
So through this time that God is bringing me through, I am choosing to believe and hope. I am choosing to believe it is worth it. That God is purifying me and making me look good, inside and out.
1 comment:
Awesome post, Estevan. Yes, the pain is intense now, but it won't last...much like the pain of discipline. I feel you...God is talking to me about that too...
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