Nobody's Perfect...Except Jesus

God spoke to me powerfully on Sunday. Well, He has been speaking for a long time, I just was not willing to listen. But He spoke to my heart and told me that he really does not expect me to be perfect. I've noticed that I really believe that I need to have all the answers. That I have to figure everything out by myself. I did not like asking questions because that would mean that I did not know the answer and if I did not know the answer then I was just stupid. In every area of my life, I expected perfection. If I messed up a tiny bit, if something I planned did not go as expected, I was crushed and really gave into a spirit of despair and depression because I had failed "just like I always do". So many times, I did not want to even try new or challenging things because I knew I would not do them perfectly. When I would struggle with a task I thought people would get frustrated with me and just do it themselves. I did not speak up even when I knew that someone was incorrect because I thought they would just tell me I was wrong, and I could not handle it. I took it really personally. But I realized that first, I don't have all the answers and second that I don't need to. Jesus was perfect. If God expected me to be perfect, he would have made me that way. Does He want me to be perfect and to strive for it? Yes, but I realized that God has so much grace, and so much mercy just waiting for me. Jesus is the perfect one, He is the only fulfillment for my sin, and He took care of it 2000 years ago. He is my savior, He is my answer. I can only change my careless actions and habits by His grace. God is my Father, there is nothing that can separate me from His love.

Change is Good

Two weeks ago, Pastor Walter Madera preached about change. All around me I have seen confirmation that God wants to bring me into a new place, a better place. For Him to do that, He has made very clear that the old things in my life has got to go. God is forming me and is changing me alot but I have been resisting most of the changes. But I know that God is not trying to hurt me, He is cleaning house. I know that this is the year God is giving me victory in every area of my life and he has. I had an amazing time through Re-Encounter, God revealed a lot of things I was trying to hide. But when I was confronted with things and let them go, I experienced a deep healing, something I have been seeking for years. It came when I let go of the past. Of the hurt, the anger, the sin, the love of the times in my life that I loved when I was not walking with the Lord, and so much more. When I left it at the Cross, God met me. But those were the things that I wanted kicked out of my life so bad. The responsibility, discipline, and leadership that God wants to bring into my life has been much harder to receive because I like the areas of my life where I am lazy. But I am not willing to love my life so much that I lose my soul. That I lose everything that God has for me. When I remember everything that God has done for me, I am willing to give those things up. This is my time.

Excercising Authority

God has been speaking to me a lot about my identity as a son and as a spiritual father. Today I read about Elijah and how he spoke out in faith with authority to Ahab and the widow. When I think about authority, it's usually a picture of correcting an error. But the Lord showed me something different today. He isn't calling me to be overbearing or mean. I can exercise authority for positive things over my life, my family and the people around me.