Braces: A Lesson in Discipline

I am coming to the end of my time with braces, or so they tell me. It's been a bit funny to me the way God has spoken to me through the whole process. Some friends requested to hear the whole story when I posted "Smile" when I first started the treatment. Lately, I have found some "ugly" things in my life that have been there for a while that God is dealing with. It is strikingly similar to the situation I found myself in with my teeth.

For as long as I could remember my teeth were crooked. I have one picture of myself with straight teeth as a child and other than than my mouth was always closed. I would cover my mouth when I laughed, and if you have seen me laugh, take effort. My teeth were always a place of embarrassment for me. I wanted them to just be fixed, to get braces, anything! But I never got them growing up because of a combination of not having enough money, the medi-cal system, and lack of understanding of just how severe my teeth were by my visually-impaired mother. The dentist told her initially that my teeth were growing in crooked but would straighten themselves out eventually. I always got mad at kids that hated the way their braces looked because I would have do almost anything to have them back then. I prayed that God would fix them, somehow, someway. That did happen on my timetable and made me very frustrated.

All of that changed a few years ago when I met God. he really healed me and made me realize the truth about who I was. That I wasn't "ugly"because God created me in His image. Did I stop wanting my teeth to be straight? No, but it was not going to let them determine my self-worth. I let go of my un-forgiveness toward God and put the whole situation in His hands. For the first time I was okay if my teeth were crooked my whole life and remembered the truth every time those old thought would come back.

Then God did a miracle. Someone approached me and started to ask me about my teeth. how they got the way they were and why I never had them corrected. Through this, I found out about a program of an amazing orthodontist here on the Central Coast who took extreme cases of people with financial hardships for free. After a few initial steps, and some work by the Holy Spirit, it was actually happening. Now, I have had them for about a year and a half and my teeth look great! I smile, real smiles now.

I heard so many horror stories before I got my braces about how much pain it would cause me, so i was a little freaked out. But I haven't really experienced that much pain. I think it's mostly God's hand and also the fact that I didn't really care if it hurt because it was worth it...until now.

Yesterday I went in for my every-six-weeks tightening. This time was different. The gaps in my front teeth created by pulling by bicuspids to make room from overcrowding are being closed now with stronger wires and rubber bands. The moment these appliances went into my mouth i had a lot of pain. In the past, I could sneak in a meal right after my appointment before soreness set in. But even then, I could still force myself to chew food. This time however, I have only been able to eat mashed potatoes. Tried to get a way with turkey and oatmeal (at separate times) but no beans. Just bringing my teeth together causes pain. But it's still worth it.

God has used this as a metaphor in my life for habits and choices in my life that are not good for me. I know that they are not good and cause me to hide and feel ashamed. But before I knew God, I didn't know how to stop my wrong behavior. God is speaking to me a lot about discipline though. That much like braces and teeth, it is the only way to change my lifestyle. Much like my braces, it will cause me to experience pain. Much like braces, I will have to give up things that I like and I am used to. Much like braces, I will have to perform tasks regularly for health and to keep the process on schedule. Much like braces, it doesn't look pretty while it's in place but will yield a lasting result that is great.

So through this time that God is bringing me through, I am choosing to believe and hope. I am choosing to believe it is worth it. That God is purifying me and making me look good, inside and out.

Never Alone

I have been realizing more and more lately that I am surrounded by the best people. When I start to think about depressing situations in my life, I remember how great of a life God has given me. I will post more soon promise, life is crazy busy right now, but like McDonald's I'm lovin' it :-).

Uh?

I am making the decision that even though I can see how everything is going wrong right now that I am not going to be down in the dumps. Instead I am seeing how God wants to shape my character through what is happening around me. So instead of gripe about how the things that are out of order, I'm asking God: what do you want me to do? And I know He is telling me to trust Him.

I am reading John right now and I am really beginning to see things that i have never noticed before when i read it.

"The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent." 6:29

"I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty." 6:35

"Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me, and I in him." 6:56

It's all about Jesus. All we need his Him, nothing else.

Finding Balance

My life has been crazy over the past months and I haven't gotten to post on here for quite a while. It feels like I have been on a rollercoaster lately but somehow I know God is moving me forward through it all and bringing me close too Him. Thats what I have been realizing through all my mistakes, my success, my sorrow and happiness. Through all the struggles and mountains God is calling me to conquer, that its all about Him. About finding Jesus, for real. Not a way to be a "good: person or to finally fiqure out the secret to being perfect. But knowing God in my weakness and my shortcoming and letting go to put Him in control so that I dont end up back here. I have really just been trying to balance my relationship with God, my family, my ministry, work, school, serving the church, and all my other responsibilites and am still finding it.

I have a lot to be excited about as well. My nephew just turned one year old! And through what is a difficult situation of one of my brothers moving in with my mother and then moving out, then the other moving in, I am seeing how God is answering my prayers for my family. Since I really started praying for my family, I have prayed that God would unite us. That we would be united under His Vision and united with each other. I feel really disconnected from my family sometimes and know that we all feel the same way. But now my oldest brother who would for years alienate himself from our family by not attending family events or even responding to our attemps to contact him is connected to our family again. We are taking a trip to LA this weekend for my Grandmother's 70th birthday and all of my brothers, my sister(and sister in law) and mother are all going. I know that God is going to do so much more and radically change my family and it makes me happier than anything else.

More to come!...

This isn't embarassing!

So I was tagged by Christina in this chain-blog thing and once you read you are tagged, you must take a picture of yourself at that moment and upload it to your blog and tag others. Luckily I read Christina's blog at midnight while going to bed...

so why not pass on the favor?

Danielle
Brittany
Aly

YOU ARE IT!

Smile

For those of you haven't heard...

On Thursday, I found out that a Dr. in Arroyo Grande is going to perform surgery on my teeth FOR FREE. We're talking thousands here. It is a miracle and a gift from God.

Ever since I can remember, my teeth have been crooked. Ive seen pictures of myself with straight teeth, but I still can't remember what it was like. Its caused me a lot of shame in the past just from my own insecurities and things people would say. Sometimes I would even forget about what they looked like and felt normal for a change, but then I would remember.

I explored braced before, but by the time I got all my cavities filled etc. I was applying to colleges and just put it on the back burner.

But the Holy Spirit had a plan and worked it out. The thing about it is that it is just God's love. his mercy and grace. I have prayed about it since I actually started praying when I was 12 and really cried out for it and claimed it a couple of times in the past few weeks but it was definitely not on the top of my prayer priorities.


God has been speaking to me over and over about David and specifically 1 Samuel 16:7

"he LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."

comprehension is not a requirement for cooperation

God has been rocking my world for the past week and half.

------

I was having a tough time last Wednesday and needed a touch from Him. All day Thursday I was just asking God what I was doing wrong because it seemed like nothing was going right. I could feel his presence and I knew that everything was okay, but nothing was changing. When I was waiting for the bus I was just still and everything seemed to stop and He said "all I want is your heart." I feel like I have been working hard for a while now but not seeing much fruit in my life coming out of it. And in that moment I knew that I had been missing God, I had missed that intimacy with him.

"Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."
- John 15:4-5

But in that moment I made the decision that I would change my heart, and surrender it completely. God is not asking me to go out and work until I die. He has not left me to figure this life out on my own. But I realize that I have been trying to succeed in my own strength. He also showed me how much bitterness I had built up in my heart, it was blocking fruitfulness in my life. But when I let it go, something broke over my life and over my ministry. In days I saw a change in the way I relate to people when I just let all the tiny grudges I had built up go. It's released me to have joy again :-).

----

When I think about my life, most of what I think is failures. When I go try again, it's like there's a barrier there saying it's not possible because you have messed it up. Like God gave me a great opportunity and I threw it away. But God tells me something different. God has promised me success. He has promised me prosperity.

A large area where this has stopped me is school. I know that I did not give myself to school enough and that is why I am where I am. I'm not even sure if I can get back into Cal Poly because of my performance from last semester. But a few weeks ago, God spoke to me after a sermon and promised me that He would still bring me success even though I may have missed an opprotunity. I want to have a family someday, its a major goal I have. I want my family to be successful. I want to provide for them, I want my children to know that everything is possible with God. I want them to know that He will provide for their every need. I dream of getting my Bachelor's degree.

The problem is I can't see how I can do that without leaving San Luis Obispo. When I think logically, I would have to transfer to another university to do that. When I think about it, however, I know that God has brought me here. He has established a life for me here. I will not abandon everything that God has given me here. I am leading a cell group, dancing at a level I've always wanted, and I have such a great family here.

So there is the rub. Do I need to graduate from a 4-year university to be a success? The Lord has begun to show me that the answer is no.

"But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith."
- Philippians 3:7-9

"But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. "
- Philippians 3:13-14

God is asking me to go to the next level of faith. Paul was a great scholar who gave up his high standing with men because he met Jesus face to face. Jesus' 12 disciples were young fishermen. They weren't educated, they just made a decision to follow Jesus and put everything else aside. God called Abraham to leave his country and live in tents on His word. God lead the Israelites through the desert before they entered the promised land.

I have the promise from God. I believe that he is making me a father, a success. I am realizing that just because I can't see how every step is going to happen, does not mean I have an excuse to not go there. I don't need to understand everything, and that is the the beauty of grace. God is my father, and I will rejoice because He has made me glad. He is my goal.